On friendships, revisited

I may have made a post or two about the subject of friendships, but I feel the need to revisit the subject. I am a lucky person because of the friendships that I have. I feel fortunate that I have friends from different stages of my life, who I know will always be there for me as much as I for them. I never made friends easily. I've always been a little shy (all of you stop laughing right now!) and guarded. I don't trust easily and it takes a little while for me to open up. So when I do, it means a lot. On the other side of that, when the trust is broken, it's very hard to mend. I can be very forgiving, but I also become cautious.

I give people chances to show that, perhaps, whatever happened, whatever they said, was an isolated thing. I have no problems saying that I am at fault for something, so I generally (and naively) believe that others would be the same. I have come to learn over time that this is definitely not true. It takes a self-reflective person to admit that s/he may be at fault. To see that there are consequences, however intentional or unintentional, to their actions. That when asked about it, that person can look within him/herself, honestly, and see things from another point of view, rather than coming up with excuses or saying such things as, "I'm sorry that you feel that way but..." I hear something like that, hear the excuses and can see more clearly that person's character. People generally become defensive when they have something to hide, particularly when they are not being attacked.

I give chances, but only for so long. A person can disappoint me only so many times before I give up, resign to the fact that what s/he is showing is the reality, and not what was there before. People can change. I truly believe that. But it'll take a while for me to believe that the changes are real. One cannot be friends with someone with whom they lack respect and trust. Nothing can move forward otherwise.

So I feel blessed for the friends I have, for the ones who have always been there and I know will always be. I grieve for those who I thought were friends, but over time revealed their true selves. But it lets me know, reminds me again, of what true friendship really is. And that I am truly fortunate that it exists in my life. That we all continue our journeys knowing that we will have each other for support.