Open that big mouth

There is something infinitely satisfying about saying exactly what is on your mind. I have been trying to do this lately - without being mean or snide, and only somewhat sarcastic, and let me say, it has made me a much happier person.

It's very difficult in general to be honest with yourself. I've had that problem and still occasionally do, but I'm getting better. The difficulty in being honest with yourself is that you have to be inherently self-reflective. I have recently come to the conclusion that one's level of maturity is coincident with the level of self-reflection one engages in. Why? Because in self-reflection, one learns not to point fingers, to honestly evaluate not only what one feels but also why, to expect the same from oneself as from others. It is easy to say, "I don't like it when YOU do that." How easy is it to say, "I don't like it when I do that?"

And in being honest with myself, it becomes much easier to be honest with others. I can get past ego and arrogance, learn to not take myself too seriously, learn to take criticism as something other than a personal attack. Because there is always more that I can learn from others - even the way not to do something. I have gained confidence and learned humility. I don't always need to have the last word. I can be wrong and say so without shame or anger or resentment. I try very hard not to say, "I told you so," because I know how much worse it can make things.

In trying to be more honest with myself, I have also noticed that I take much less bullshit from others. I no longer deal with petty behaviour. I will not allow someone else to accuse me of anything just because it eases his/her own mind. And I will call someone on his/her bullshit, just as I would expect to be called on mine. I am a friend and not a mindless cheerleader, which means I will express my opinion and not be afraid to disagree or be disagreed with. But even my friend disagrees with my opinion, I will give my 100% support because that is what friends do. And I am always trying to be a better friend.

Who was it who said that sometimes it's harder to make the right decisions? I guess it's the same person who said that it's impossible to be truly honest with others if you are not honest with yourself. I think those two thoughts go hand in hand... and that if I work to be more honest with myself, that the right decisions may become easier. Or at least that's the hope.