The world's foremost expert on everything

I am not one to eavesdrop on conversations at restaurants, but sometimes I just can't help it. Las night JS and I went out for Indian food and at the next table was apparently the "World's Foremost Expert on Everything." Let me explain - the guy at the next table was having a very loud and one-sided conversation with his dinnermates about just what a wonderful person he was. He knew about everything. He was in insurance (not sure what, but he gets to deal with people and loves talking - as if that wasn't obvious). He was also an EMT, a fireman - "I always have my gear with me... in case I need to jump in and help." A FEMA expert - "Well, when the Hurricanes happened in New Orleans, the problem they had was..." And a number of other things that I can't even remember. He just kept talking and talking and talking. Talking himself up so much that I thought he must have been some sort of stud or something.

Well, when he got up with his dinnermates to leave, I turned around to see for myself what this man of amazing skills looked like... honestly, no joke, he looked like a gnome minus the beard. After leaving, JS and I saw him running by (we were sitting by the window) toward his car. JS burst out, "RUN FOREST RUN!" At which point, the couple at the next table burst out laughing. We had a nice laugh over it - it was good to know that it wasn't just us.

One step closer

I have been at my job for one year. And at one year, there are two choices: step increase or grade increase. Step increases are automatic, based on the amount of time on the job. Grade increases are not - they have to be approved by one's supervisor. And although everyone around me kept telling me that there was no way I was not going to get a grade increase, I wasn't going to bank on it.

Well, on Tuesday, one of the managers (not my direct supervisor) came into my office to hand me something and happily states, "Congratulations on your promotion!"

Me: I got my promotion?
Him: You didn't know?
Me: No one told me...
Him: (as he's walking out of my office) Oops...

"Oops," that was classic. I was really happy, but curious as to why I didn't hear it from my direct supervisor first. Well, she came in yesterday to confirm that I did, indeed, get my promotion. And that it was her intent to tell me had the other one not spilled the beans first. Oops, indeed.

So I have taken one step closer... to what, exactly, I'm not sure. But it's been taken.

Test drive

So, we have already talked about how JS got his driver's license. As with all things that take a long time to obtain, once obtained, one generally runs with it! Which, in this case meant, JS really, REALLY wanted to get a car.

Once he started researching, however, he found that it's a really shitty market for cars, particularly used cars. Really high resale values, high interest rates, limited selection, etc... really the worst kind of market for cars. What kind of car to buy? What year? What color? The initial idea was to get a Civic EX, like Ian (if you don't already know, that's the name of my car). JS had gotten used to driving Ian around while preparing for his test. We test drove one beautiful '03 Civic EX Coupe - in nearly perfect condition. The one problem was that it was selling for only about $1000 less than what we had paid for Ian... for a now 3 year old car. We decided we should keep looking, keep our options open.

We went to a dealership to look at an '04 Civic Coupe, mysteriously selling for the same price as the '03 we tested... and once we saw the car, it was no longer a mystery. Bad ju-ju all around from this car. A few dents, scrapes, etc... but the feeling was bad. The parking break stuck, incidental parts were missing (small panel covers, etc.). JS told the man that he didn't even want to bother with it. The dealer tried to show us another Civic. No go... not what we're looking for.

While wandering around the lot, pretty much feeling like we should leave, I pass by an '04 Mazda 3. The Mazda 3 had been the darkhorse choice, as we knew very little about it, and there seemed to be very few used ones available. And those used ones that were available were way out of the pricerange. Yet, there were two of them, twins, both silver, sitting right there, next to each other. We wanted to take one out (the one with fewer scratches), but first we asked what the dealer was willing to part with it for. The dealer told us a too-good-to-be-true price... time for a test drive.

JS started it up and we had that feeling that this car was meant for him - there were blue lights. We exit the lot onto MD355. As he's accelerating, the engine is revving very high - too high... what the hell?!?! Why aren't we shifting into gear?!?! What's wrong with the transmission?!?! We pull over into a random parking lot to switch places and figure out what's going on... Yeah, it's an automatic, so what the hell is up? Hrmmm... why is the shifter on "M" instead of "D"? What we did not realize is that Mazda's are equipped with sport manual - for those who want to feel like they're in control - the car is still electronically controlled. But that explained why we weren't shifting into gear. Well, that figured out and me in the driver's seat, we took this little puppy for a drive. And loved it. JS took over after a few minutes. Short jaunt on the highway and we were convinced - this car was definitely meant for him.

So with little hesitation, after confirming that the dealer was, indeed, serious about the price, we signed the dotted line.

So now, without further ado, I introduce MAX:




Doesn't Max have a cute butt?

Update: Blood and sweat

Unfortunately, there are no updates... it's been a week since this whole thing began, and I haven't heard a thing.

In the meantime... an image, courtesy of PhD Comics:

Blood and sweat

I have discussed multiple times the elation I felt when I completed my PhD. It was a lot of work, but in the end I joke about what it got me: three letters after my name, a piece of paper in a frame which basically says that I was in school for a really long time, and a book (my dissertation). My Dad asked me when I presented him with a copy of my thesis whether anyone would read it or buy it. I told him, honestly, that we write and bind these things and they generally sit on a shelf in a library collecting dust. No one will read it. And certainly no one would buy it - I didn't think they could even be sold. That is, until I got this email from LJR:

"This is really creepy - I was googling my name to see if my new website was showing up yet, and found this.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EOUOFI/104-2407611-6118346?v=glance&n=551440

and

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EQIW9Q/qid=1143229077/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-2407611-6118346?s=books&v=glance&n=551440

What do you think? Any idea how our dissertations wound up online for sale at Amazon?"

WHAT?!?! My dissertation is on sale on AMAZON!?!?!

Needless to say, I was a little disturbed. Here is my work, of which I always joke that no one cares, on which I spent a quarter of my life thus far working, on sale, without my knowledge. I called my department and reported this finding, and there are many people looking into it. JS called thedistributorr and they told him that I had signed a release when I gave my dissertation to Hopkins. And apparently, after $100 in sales, I get a 10% royalty. The dissertation is copyrighted to me. I remember signing a whole bunch of papers when I gave in my dissertation, one of which was about creating an electronic copy for the library, but I don't remember signing anything about selling it. It's also possible that I did, I haven't a clue. It was over a year ago, and I was so happy to be done, that I'm not sure I would remember anyway.

A lot of emails have been sent. No one in my department knew about any of this. They wrote to the library. The person they contacted didn't seem to know anything. She's going to contact her boss. And up the chain it goes. The fact that no one seems to know anything yet disturbs me - it all seems kind of shady. Particularly since LJR said that she didn't find the dissertations of any of our other classmates on Amazon. Whether or not I signed over the publication rights, which is still in debate, I would have like to have been informed that my work is publicly for sale. I feel disturbed and violated.

"There comes a time when we all must choose between what is right and what is easy." Albus Dumblebore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

One year

It has been one year since my new beginnings. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I started my fabulous job. One year since I've begun the stage in my life where, for the first time, I truly feel like an adult.

A lot has happened in this past year. There has been a lot of happiness. There has been a lot of pain. There has been a lot of learning. For 25 years of my life, I was defined as a student, in some form or another. Grade school, high school, college, grad school. I look back at those years, particularly at grad school, and though they are still fresh in my mind, they feel like an eternity ago.

I feel like I have grown this year by leaps and bounds. And the more I grow, the more I see in front of me... 'the journey' is long and continuous. The more answers I feel like I am getting just generate more intricate questions. And these questions further me on 'the journey.' I have stated previously how I feel about 'the journey.' And a lot of the time I do feel like it sucks - why can't I find the answers? Why do the questions keep coming? Why does the journey contain so much pain? How can I get inexorable joy and happiness and is it even possible?

I have caused more pain to others this past year than I ever thought I could. And, in looking at myself, I realized that the pain I caused, I was reflecting from within myself. And that, until I came to terms with myself and my own issues, I can never be as loving as I could be to others. I thought I was unapologetically happy and yet, there were times, I was apologizing for my happiness.

I've tried to live much more fully and honestly. And I have discovered the power of not accepting bullshit. From myself or others, but especially from myself. And that is really what has made me much happier. That I can say more honestly what I feel. That I am less inclined to run from confrontation (although there are times when I do still run - I'm working on it). That I can work to clear away all that is unimportant and see all the things that really matter.

My life has been blessed with so many wonderful people. And have received more love than I sometimes think I deserve. I still try hard to live without regrets for life and for love. But to believe that nothing can be changed once something is done is foolish. I don't regret decisions. But I can admit, more openly, when I am wrong and do all that I can to fix it. And if whatever it is cannot be repaired, I know that I have tried. I will not be complacent.

Sleep eating...

I am so glad that I am no longer an insomniac. For the entire span of my graduate studies, all 7 years, I did not get a full, uninterrupted night of sleep. Not one. I would just wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes several times, for sometimes no reason at all. However, through all of it, I never invested in any kind of sleep aid. Why? 1) I hate taking drugs. I avoid it as much as possible. 2) For reasons like this.

I've heard of some strange/scary side effects from drugs before - but sleep eating? Not only just sleep eating, but gorging, ravenously. And then not remembering the next morning.

No cause has been found for sleep-related eating disorder, but Dr. Schenck says he believed that it happened when the brain confuses two basic instincts: sleeping and eating. "Those two become linked," he said. "In the sleep stage you eat. I think two instinctual behaviors become intertwined."

So strange. I would love to see what the brain scans of these people while they are in this state. It must be very strange to wake up in the morning with a Snickers bar in your hand, not knowing where it came from. I guess the cupboards and fridge should be locked up before bedtime.

What happens in Vegas...

... stays in Vegas

Identity: Sigmund the Underwear Model from Zimbabwe
Visit: 4 days, 3 nights
Gambling balance sheet: -$0-

Everything else is between me and those who witnessed it...


Addendum: I am also minus 1 pair of pleather pants.

Astrological coincidence

JS and I were in the car the other day, casually chatting about random stuff. Our impeding trip to Vegas to celebrate SA's upcoming 30th birthday, my Dad's upcoming 80th birthday, which happens to be the day after, etc. JS then says, "My Dad's birthday was yesterday." I asked if he called his mom - he had just talked to her the day before, so all was good. Then, I had a thought...

Me: When is your Mom's birthday?
JS: September ... (I don't remember the date he said). Why? When is your Mom's birthday?
Me: September 15th
JS: Huh. So that makes both our Dads Pisces. Both our Moms Virgos... And we're BOTH Sagittarians! Holy crap!

I'm laughing at this point

JS: How did it take over 9 years of being together and 15 years of knowing each other to figure THAT out??

How did it take that long? It's strange the things that are overlooked. I always knew our parent's birthdays were near each other. And the fact that we are both Sagittarians was never a secret. It's funny how these connections are there and evident but not observed, until one random conversation in the car.

Life is a journey...

... and the journey sucks. But its a lot better than the destination.

And we'll have fun, fun, fun...

'til my daddy takes my T-bird away...

Or maybe not. But now it is a possibility for JS, who yesterday, after many unexpected delays, passed his driver's skills test.

Hooray!

Now a licensed driver, JS can conquer the open road... or, in a more accurate description of driving down here, JS can try to thwart Satan's Circle, aka the DC Beltway.

Congratulations, my darling. Freedom of movement is now granted by the State of Maryland. Use it well.

Karma, part II

Okay, MS. I agree with a lot of your points. And lots of bad things happen to "good" people and vice versa. And that everyone's yardstick is different. But my hope is that, out there, through whatever trials there are, some balance may be struck. (Sorry, that bit of Eastern Philosophy that probably comes with the genes.)

Granted, life is hard. And life rarely seems fair. But I am with you in trying to put as much positive energy in the world. And hope that the positive energy breeds more positive energy. Is it wrong to hope that the good you do and the love that you give will bring good to you? And not because that's what you're looking for, but just because? That there are consequences for every action, no matter how mundane. Is Karma all that much different than "do unto others?"

I know that my life and hardships will never compare to that of most people in this world. It would be foolish to believe so. I have had it good in the grand scheme of things. And I am always grateful for all that I have, most especially the people I love. But it helps me, in some small way, to believe that the pendulum will eventually swing back when things seem to be down.

How can one believe in Karma and practice medicine? - as Cristina Yang said. That's probably one of the reasons I could not practice medicine. I would think too many things are unfair.

And just as a note: The small part of me that believes in reincarnation is sure that I will come back in my next life as a lab mouse.

Karma

I think most everyone who know me know that I am very particular about what I watch on television. Well, I don't watch television anymore... I TiVo everything, because I hate commercials. Anyway, there are a select few shows that make it onto the TiVo. And some of them remain on the TiVo completely unwatched, at least for the moment (ahem, Desperate Housewives - I'm waiting for the whole season to be done so I can watch them all in one shot). To my utter surprise, the one show I did not expect to become hooked on has made a permanent appointment in my TiVo - Grey's Anatomy.

This week's episode was about Karma - good Karma, bad Karma. Life's unfairness... how things never turn out just how you imagine they would be. How good people seem to get crap and the not-so-good walk around content. How things always seem to, no matter how long ago they may have happened, come back and bite you in the ass (or in Addison's case, the vah-jay-jay, as Bailey calls it). Or that a bad experience may have helped you dodge a bullet later on.

I believe in karma. I always talk about "karmic retribution," the idea that every bad action you make will cause something bad to happen to you. But that's the negative spin on it... and mostly something I joke about. Seriously, though, I believe that there needs to be a balance. People who have had it way too easy early in life, who walk around believing the world is their oyster, will go through periods where things are completely unfair, where they can't seem to catch a break, get a date, make a deadline, whatever. People who have been through crap, where nothing seems to go right for a long time, will come to a point where things are good - and because of the bad, they truly appreciate it. And the pendulum always swings.

I have, by no means, lived a charmed life. But I believe that the hell and pain of graduate school (and all the things that happened in my life during that period) is being paid off by the happiness I have now in work and life in general. And I know that hard work helped to get me here. And whether it's deserved or not, I appreciate it all the more, I think, because I've experienced some every negative things. And I also know, that while I was in that negative place, I did not believe that it could get any better - I could not see the positive that would eventually come from it.

I know that the pendulum is still swinging. And that eventually, it will swing back in the other direction. But the balance is needed. People cannot appreciate the good without the bad... or else they begin to believe that they are entitled. And I never want to feel that way.

Cold warmth...

... and I can't deal!! Okay, so we get the snowfall of the century (or at least you would think it was, by the way the news was going on) on Saturday-Sunday. Lots of snow... lots of fun. I even built a little snowman on my balcony (from a "Snowman in a Box Kit (just add snow) courtesy of TC). I can deal with the cold if there is snow on the ground. It just seems to make the cold worth while.

What I can't deal with is the fact that yesterday, a mere 4 days after this snow, it was over 60 degrees outside. Why can't I deal? Why can't I just enjoy the lovely weather? Well I could if my sinuses didn't rebel every time there is drastic weather change! I would enjoy it if the weather didn't turn my winter wonderland into a slushy, muddy mess. Having snow then 60 degree weather in the span of 4 days is just not natural.

Okay, I'll stop complaining now. In the meantime, here's a picture of a snowman:

Year of the Dog

Chinese New Year Day was this past Sunday. It's the first time in a long while where I was able to be with my family for new year's eve dinner - in Chinatown, no less, so I had a really good weekend. Top that with a 2 hour yum cha on Sunday morning with friends, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Chinese New Year is probably my favourite holiday - a combination of New Year, 4th of July and Christmas (well, at least for us unmarried folks). It's loud, people are happy, and we eat. We walk around Chinatown taking in the colors and sound. Get Hong Kong Cakes from a cart on the street - a treat that I have far too infrequently. And I remember all the places from my childhood, places that are still there and places gone for who knows how long. It was good to be there during New Year's Eve and Day. I'm not sure when it will happen the next time.

The celebration begins on the new moon and continues until the next full moon - so a 15 day holiday. Gung Hay Fat Choi!

Lion Dance (a little blurry, but what can you expect from a camera phone)

Do you hear what I hear?

I am always interested and amused by strange research. Having been a lowly PhD student for a *ahem* few years, I have run across all sorts of interesting (to put it mildly) research - things I have read in journals, seen at conferences, read in newsclippings, etc. And in seeing all the different things being researched, I have become convinced that ANYTHING will be funded as long as there is one person interested.

Genetics has always produced a great deal of interesting work, especially recently with the "completion" of the Human Genome Project. Completion is a relative term, because even though the genome is mapped, people are still trying to figure out what these genes do. (I personally don't believe the project is truly complete until they figure that portion of it out... but I digress.) Anyway, with a map of genes available, geneticists have been able to determine such important things such as the genes which, when mutated, could cause cancer.

So when I saw a news article entitled, "Scientists Find Gene That Controls Type of Earwax in People," my interest was a little more than peaked. Who researches this kind of thing? Why earwax? There are apparently two types of earwax - wet and dry (who knew?) - which are controlled by a specific gene. According to researchers, a single DNA change causes the inactivation of an export mechanism in cells, therefore resulting in dry earwax. Wet earwax is prevalent in the African and European populations, while dry earwax is dominant in East Asians. There is also apparently a correlation between the type of earwax, sweat and armpit odor, where those who have dry earwax tend to have sweat less and have little to no body odor. Eeeen-ter-est-ink

What does this mean for the rest of us? What can we do with this information? Who the heck knows. Maybe at some point there will be gene therapy for people with really bad BO. I think that would be a great step forward for humanity. It will at least make riding in a packed subway a little less gross.

Open that big mouth

There is something infinitely satisfying about saying exactly what is on your mind. I have been trying to do this lately - without being mean or snide, and only somewhat sarcastic, and let me say, it has made me a much happier person.

It's very difficult in general to be honest with yourself. I've had that problem and still occasionally do, but I'm getting better. The difficulty in being honest with yourself is that you have to be inherently self-reflective. I have recently come to the conclusion that one's level of maturity is coincident with the level of self-reflection one engages in. Why? Because in self-reflection, one learns not to point fingers, to honestly evaluate not only what one feels but also why, to expect the same from oneself as from others. It is easy to say, "I don't like it when YOU do that." How easy is it to say, "I don't like it when I do that?"

And in being honest with myself, it becomes much easier to be honest with others. I can get past ego and arrogance, learn to not take myself too seriously, learn to take criticism as something other than a personal attack. Because there is always more that I can learn from others - even the way not to do something. I have gained confidence and learned humility. I don't always need to have the last word. I can be wrong and say so without shame or anger or resentment. I try very hard not to say, "I told you so," because I know how much worse it can make things.

In trying to be more honest with myself, I have also noticed that I take much less bullshit from others. I no longer deal with petty behaviour. I will not allow someone else to accuse me of anything just because it eases his/her own mind. And I will call someone on his/her bullshit, just as I would expect to be called on mine. I am a friend and not a mindless cheerleader, which means I will express my opinion and not be afraid to disagree or be disagreed with. But even my friend disagrees with my opinion, I will give my 100% support because that is what friends do. And I am always trying to be a better friend.

Who was it who said that sometimes it's harder to make the right decisions? I guess it's the same person who said that it's impossible to be truly honest with others if you are not honest with yourself. I think those two thoughts go hand in hand... and that if I work to be more honest with myself, that the right decisions may become easier. Or at least that's the hope.

The New Year Cometh

It's the beginning of 2006. And as such, a time to reflect on the last year and look forward to the next...

I don't make New Year's resolutions. I don't because I believe that if you want to do something to improve yourself, you should just resolve to do it, whenever that may be. People make all sorts of resolutions at the New Year, only to have them fail before then end of January. Why is that? It just becomes expected and cliche. Losing weight, learning a new language, eating better, exercise, blah blah blah. It's trite.

There were a few things that I had decided to do this year long before New Year's Eve:

- I am going to run a half marathon with LS (who convinced me by saying, "come on, it's only 13 miles!" which I somehow thought was reasonable). As a prelude to this, we are going to run a marathon as part of a 4 person relay team (so 6.5 miles).

- I will re-learn to speak French (not that I was any good at it to begin with). I began this last year and will continue on this year.

- I am going to start climbing again and get as many people as possible to join me.

- I will become comfortable enough riding a motorcycle and try to save enough to purchase one.

These are things that I thought of as general things I want to do. It doesn't necessarily matter if they are accomplished within the timeframe of this year. As with everything, actions which promote self-improvement, whether successful or not, always further the mind and the spirit... boy, talk about cliche.

But... I don't have a lawn

Happy Holidays to all! During every holiday season, as we give and receive gifts, there are always the ones that you look at and just go: HUH? In my family, I'm always the one who gets that gift. I always seem to have the weird Christmas gift story.

BACKGROUND: Three years ago, I got, possibly, the worst Christmas gift in history - this is no exaggeration. My sister's family gave me... wait for it... a tissue box. Your eyes do not deceive you, I indeed got a tissue box - with a Mickey Mouse car cover on it. There have been many theories abound as to why I received a tissue box. Regardless, I got no explanation, so there it is... and my sister appears to have been making up for it ever since, as her subsequent gifts for birthdays and Christmases have progressively gotten better or more fun.

Anyway, that was just the background. Everyone knows about the tissue box, so when I arrived for Christmas dessert at TC's mom's place and announced that I had a weird Christmas gift story, everyone at once replied: AGAIN??

After Christmas Eve dinner, my family retired back to my Dad's place to finish opening gifts. My oldest brother left presents for my dear brother and sister-in-law, J and Ang, and for me. Now, our older brother is generally off the mark with Christmas gifts - J and I usually end up swapping. I open my gift, stare at it curiously... Ang asks what it is. As if I wouldn't have one, a 3 cup rice cooker, like the free gift you get from the bank when you open a savings account. I'm a Chinese girl who has been living away from my parents for over 10 years - why wouldn't I have a rice cooker? Well, I said to J and Ang that if they wanted, we could swap. They open their gift - a DVD player. There seems to be a disparity in the quality of the gifts. We ended up swapping since J and Ang have 2 DVD players and one of ours is dying. Well, good.

Now time for the gifts from my Dad's wife. My gift is rather large - a box about 4ft x 2ft big. I tear the wrapping off curiously... and stare unbelievingly.

Ang: What is it?
Me: A lawn reindeer. (Note: not only is it a lawn reindeer, but it's one of those with a moving head... so a really quality lawn reindeer)
Ang and J: WHAT?
Me: It's a lawn reindeer... I don't have a lawn. Do you want it?
Ang: Let's open ours and maybe we can switch.

J and Ang open their gift - a silver coffee server set (coffee pot, sugar bowl, creamer, and tray).

J: This is nice. Ang, should we switch?
Ang: It doesn't matter to me. We'll have two creamers and sugar bowls.

(and because J is always funniest when he doesn't mean to be)

J: Yeah, but look at coffee pot. It's nice. We don't have a coffee pot... (looks at the lawn reindeer)... But we DO have a lawn.

This was the point that Ang and I start hysterical laughing - uncontrollably. And in his confusion as to what is so funny...

J: What? What's so funny? I mean... we do have a lawn!

Well, there was a bit of debate as to what to do with the lawn reindeer. But in the end, J and Ang decided to give it a home at their new house.

So, just in case the image isn't clear in the mind, here it is:




Note: There was a suggestion from P-boy that we just take the head out and mount it on the wall like some prized game, being sure that the animation still works... just to freak people out.