I seriously tried on about 100 pairs of shorts this weekend

I have this issue with shorts. I haven't owned a pair of shorts that wasn't the athletic kind (a la, I look like a soccer mom - thanks Magenta) for many years. I've been doing the crop pant, capri or skirt thing in lieu of shorts for quite a few years. But, it's been about 1000 degrees these past few days, and everything I have has been far too warm, so I felt it was time to deal with the situation.

I made it my mission this weekend to find at least 1 pair of shorts that I liked, which looked somewhat good, and didn't make me feel like I had a huge ass or mile wide hips or thunder thighs. Let me tell you, this was really tough. I'm hyper critical of my legs, for various reasons, not the least of which was my Mom telling me when I was, oh about 13 years old, that my thighs were really big - bigger than hers, in fact (my Mom was also 5' 2" and less than 100 pounds before she had kids). Just the kind of thing to say to a girl at the beginning of puberty who has self esteem issues, right?

Anyways, I went to a whole bunch of stores, and tried on something like 100 pairs of shorts. At a certain point I was going to give up, because trying on 100 pairs of shorts, of various different styles, colors and lengths, most of which DID make me feel like my ass or my hips or my thighs were huge is very, VERY bad for my self-image. But after much pain and many, many hours searching and trying, I actually found 3 pairs I liked. And even though Magenta warned me a couple of months ago that they would be a huge step (considering I don't own shorts), one of the pairs are knee length "walking" or "dress" shorts. Heck, the pair fit so well and were soooo comfortable, and I actually liked the way they looked, I figured I'd give it a try.

I'm going to wear the "dress shorts" to work tomorrow - mainly because they turn the AC off in the building over the weekend, and it's going to be a sauna there tomorrow, but also because I want to see how they go over. This may be the beginning of a new stage of fashion for me. Or, perhaps, I'll just be comfortable this summer.

Auld lang syne and some such crap

Happy New Year. I'm exhausted already. But for good reason. MS and Master Chew were here for the past few days. And except for a couple of moments, Chewie-love and Thor, Dog of Thunder got along very well. I particularly loved the moments where Chew was running circles around (and under) Thor while Thor stood looking at him with the face of, "I can't possibly go THAT fast."

TTW and Fibji came over Sunday and brought their Wii. Much hilarity ensued (MS will post said hilarity later). But I also woke up with "Wii arm" and "Wii back" the next morning, and realized how old and out of shape I actually am. We also had a wrist injury that night (Turg). I so can't wait for my Wii to arrive.

But now that all of the fun and drinking are done, it's time to get down to business. I took the rest of this week off to deal with my crap. My office is a total sty. I've dealt with some of my papers this morning, and have already filled a trash back full of stuff. And I'm not even close to done. I really need to stop making "filing piles" on the floor, because eventually (as had already happened), there will be no floor left.

I will be cleaning and tidying for the rest of this week. And I'll hopefully be able to find some organization by then.

I may even be able to find some time to relax. One can only hope.

The thing about mental health days, Pt. 2

One of the bad things about taking days off is that you lose track of what day of the week it is. For example, because this is my first day in the office this week, my brain naturally though it was Monday. Unfortunately, that meant that my late lunch ran into a meeting I had scheduled for 2pm, which I also naturally forgot about - since in my head it was Monday, and not Tuesday. Oops.

The thing about mental health days

For me, mental health days are rarely "days off," per se. Why? Because, the reason why I take mental health days is not to relax. It's to deal with the crap build-up at home, which is part and parcel with my mental instability.

So far today: I've filed away about 4 months worth of household and personal bills, insurance information, and all sorts of other mailing that one is really supposed to keep in some sort of organized system; cleaned my bathroom; cleaned my office; done laundry; vacuumed; and rearranged my underwear drawer (I know, you really didn't need to know that. But for completeness sakes, we'll go there, okay?). Again, hardly a "day off." More like a day of work at home.

I've been going since about 8:30 or 9:00 this morning. I haven't even eaten lunch yet. Let's see what else I can accomplish today.


Update: 3:15pm - baking brownies

Cleaning surfaces

I had one of those "cleaning surfaces" moment the other day. And it's pretty much been continuous since then... I'm in a "cleaning surfaces" kind of mood. What does this mean? This is a label MS gave to a certain type of behaviour. It's the point where you can't take the clutter anymore and start cleaning. For me, I usually just snap. Justlikethat. And start moving shit around and throwing shit out. JS was looking at me the other evening, at 9pm when I just started cleaning the apartment, like I was a total nutcase.

And it continued through the weekend. Yesterday, the surface of choice happened to be the car. I didn't take it to the carwash. I HAD to do it myself. It's a state of mind, I think. A physical manifestation of trying to clear out my head. Or maybe the apartment is just a mess. Who the hell knows.

I didn't get as much cleaned in the apartment as I would have liked... I feel like I'm drowning in clutter. At least the furniture is back where it's supposed to be - sorta.