Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I like cheese, alright? Get off my back... (or things one should never say to a woman at a wedding reception)

This weekend was filled with much joy and laughter because of Crazy and SweetPea's wedding. At the rehearsal dinner Friday night, Turg gave Crazy this book as a gag:


The book was passed around and around at the rehearsal dinner, the reception and the day-after party. Big hit. Women all knew it was a fantasy (it's porn afterall) and (most of) the men found humor in it, particularly since they knew just how far fetched a lot of the stuff in it was... like, "Have another piece of cake. I don't like you looking so thin." See, fantasy.

Which brings me to the things that one should never say to a woman at a wedding reception (or any gathering with food, for that matter). Let me just say, like MS, I don't eat like a girl. I eat well, and healthily, but definitely not like a girl. I'll eat a steak over chicken anyday. I can outeat almost anyone at sushi or a crabhouse. And I love cheese - lots of cheese.

All of the following statements were made by one guy, my friend Lisa's husband, Gary, with whom I play softball (Lisa happens to play and is the manager of this team).

  • (after spreading some brie on bread) "Is that sanctioned by team management? Should you be eating all those CARBS and FAT?"
  • (after getting my plate from the dinner buffet) "Did you leave any food out there?"
  • (general comment at the end of the evening) "I'm just looking out of the team. I don't want all this food to slow you down."
He kept looking to others for help. Crazy's brother just repeated, "Put the shovel DOWN!" But Gary wouldn't, and continued digging himself deeper all evening. In reality, I know he was just kidding. But, seriously now, who says this shit, even in jest?

2 comments:

N'il said...

Eh. I like Gary. And his wife kept saying that he was just trying to get attention... which I think is true. But I told him that we were instituting a weigh in... where the cutoff is 5 lbs less than whatever he is.

Clio said...

Interestingly enough, at the same moment as this was happening MS and I were talking about how much sushi and crab we have personally witnessed you put down overr the years - we really don't know where you put it all!

I'm glad you were able to roll with it and make a witty comeback. But really, that was an incredibly inappropriate and rude thing for him to say. His wife should have told him to cool it rather than make excuses.