Ruminations...

Sometimes I just feel like a hack. It's a very strange thing. For all of my accomplishments, and even with all the people in my life, work or otherwise, telling me how proud they are, how highly they think of me, or whatever, I often feel like I don't deserve it or that somehow I've got everyone fooled. I mean, people come to me for my "expert" opinion about crap. That's what I'm paid to do. To give an expert analysis. Whatever.

What brought this on this time? I interviewed for another temporary promotion the other day, and was told yesterday that I had been selected for the second half of the term. I was very surprised and excited, particularly since this position is in my current division. This morning, I had a short chat with my director and she said she thought very highly of me, and even though I'm not ready yet for a permanent position(something I very clearly agree with, and said so in my interview), I will be soon, and that there will be more opportunities soon... "If you know what I mean."

Oh, god.

I'm surrounded by so many incredibly intelligent and talented people. And I'm not one who compares oneself to others, but it is intimidating sometimes. For all of my confidence and bravura, I still sometimes think that I'll be discovered for a poser - that somehow that's who I really am. Eeeeeeehhhhhh.... *breathe*

I'll be better tomorrow.... I hope.