BACKGROUND: Three years ago, I got, possibly, the worst Christmas gift in history - this is no exaggeration. My sister's family gave me... wait for it... a tissue box. Your eyes do not deceive you, I indeed got a tissue box - with a Mickey Mouse car cover on it. There have been many theories abound as to why I received a tissue box. Regardless, I got no explanation, so there it is... and my sister appears to have been making up for it ever since, as her subsequent gifts for birthdays and Christmases have progressively gotten better or more fun.
Anyway, that was just the background. Everyone knows about the tissue box, so when I arrived for Christmas dessert at TC's mom's place and announced that I had a weird Christmas gift story, everyone at once replied: AGAIN??
After Christmas Eve dinner, my family retired back to my Dad's place to finish opening gifts. My oldest brother left presents for my dear brother and sister-in-law, J and Ang, and for me. Now, our older brother is generally off the mark with Christmas gifts - J and I usually end up swapping. I open my gift, stare at it curiously... Ang asks what it is. As if I wouldn't have one, a 3 cup rice cooker, like the free gift you get from the bank when you open a savings account. I'm a Chinese girl who has been living away from my parents for over 10 years - why wouldn't I have a rice cooker? Well, I said to J and Ang that if they wanted, we could swap. They open their gift - a DVD player. There seems to be a disparity in the quality of the gifts. We ended up swapping since J and Ang have 2 DVD players and one of ours is dying. Well, good.
Now time for the gifts from my Dad's wife. My gift is rather large - a box about 4ft x 2ft big. I tear the wrapping off curiously... and stare unbelievingly.
Ang: What is it?
Me: A lawn reindeer. (Note: not only is it a lawn reindeer, but it's one of those with a moving head... so a really quality lawn reindeer)
Ang and J: WHAT?
Me: It's a lawn reindeer... I don't have a lawn. Do you want it?
Ang: Let's open ours and maybe we can switch.
J and Ang open their gift - a silver coffee server set (coffee pot, sugar bowl, creamer, and tray).
J: This is nice. Ang, should we switch?
Ang: It doesn't matter to me. We'll have two creamers and sugar bowls.
(and because J is always funniest when he doesn't mean to be)
J: Yeah, but look at coffee pot. It's nice. We don't have a coffee pot... (looks at the lawn reindeer)... But we DO have a lawn.
This was the point that Ang and I start hysterical laughing - uncontrollably. And in his confusion as to what is so funny...
J: What? What's so funny? I mean... we do have a lawn!
Well, there was a bit of debate as to what to do with the lawn reindeer. But in the end, J and Ang decided to give it a home at their new house.
So, just in case the image isn't clear in the mind, here it is:
Note: There was a suggestion from P-boy that we just take the head out and mount it on the wall like some prized game, being sure that the animation still works... just to freak people out.
1 comment:
After much contemplation, here is what I think you should do with your reindeer, who I have decided to call Dotter. Coincidentally, I believe him to be the younger and oft misunderstood half-brother of Dasher (and he is very bitter about it). In the ongoing battle of sibling rivalry, Dotter believes that he usually gets the short end of the stick in life - Dot being a "lawn reindeer" and his brother and even that nit-wit Rudolph earning spots on the sleigh and being "sleigh reindeer" while all he gets to do is stand on a lawn and nod his head. Most of the time he would be right. But that is a tangent...on to the plan...
Here it is: As your bro-in-law suggested, I think that Dotter, or Dot, should find a place of honor at the top of your loft stairs. However, I think you need to do a little re-wiring on good old Dot. Between you, JS and your combined horde of technologically minded friends, you need to wire Dot to your front door so that when someone opens the door, Dot will turn and look at them at the precise moment they pass the staircase, which will freak them out. In addition, he needs to be wired for audio and make pithy greetings to visitors which would change seasonally, such as " "Merry Christmas to all and I hope you get hernias from pulling the sleigh." (or maybe the whole sleigh thing should just not be mentioned again.)
Anyway, finding Dot a meaningful purpose in life could help to erase years of rivalry and social strife in the reinder community between the "sleigh reindeer" and the "lawn reindeer".
Oh, and while you are away you could program Dot to scare away burglars by periodically yelling things out like "Honey, bring me my shot gun!" Although best not to give Dot a shot gun lest there be any unfortunate "accidents" on Christmas when afforementioned sleigh visits your abode.
Sincerely,
An Anonymous Reindeer who cares
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