Sexual Evolution

It's clear to me, these days more than ever, that people have very different opinions about sexuality, romance and love. Men and women are different, generations are different... opinions among peers differ. And double standards, as much as we hope that they aren't, are very much alive and kicking. For example - I had a conversation with my Dad a while ago on the subject of cohabitation before marriage. I think that it's a personal choice. Whether or not one wishes to live with another before they are married, I don't believe (and there are studies on both sides of this debate) that it necessarily leads to higher rates of divorce. But the argument that my Dad and I had about it didn't revolve around marriage or divorce, but on how living together "looks" to people.

Dad: Its okay for the guy. It looks bad for the girl...
Me: What? How do you figure that?
Dad: It just looks bad.
Me: Dad, it takes both people involved. How can you say that it looks bad for the girl when the guy is there too.
Dad: ...

That was the actual conversation. Seriously, the fact that the onus is always on the woman seems a little unfair to me. I laugh at theories like the one from a Harvard Professor which basically say that the reason why lasting love and marriage or even committed relationships are on the decline because "men who grow used to "free samples" in the bedroom are going to leave women high-and-dry when it comes to committed relationships." Free samples?!? What are we, tasting menus?! So again, it's up to women to restrict themselves sexually in order to hook a man who will stay. It becomes our fault yet again as to why our life's fulfillment is not being realized - husband to take care of us, 2.5 kids, dog, picket fence... What kind of bullshit is this guy spewing?

I agree with the author of the article. The presumption that is made is that all women want the same thing. That, apparently, the only route to happiness is the traditional marriage and kids route. Now, I want to be married and have children. I always have. Been wanting to have kids since I was about 22, believe it or not. Anyone who has seen me interact with kids and babies can see it. But I had things to do first. I don't assume that what I want is what everyone wants, that this is the only way any woman can find happiness. It's arrogant to think such things. I know many strong, happy women who are at the point in their lives where they are comfortable with themselves and don't need or even want a committed relationship to make them happy or feel more complete. I know women who want marriage but not kids. Making generalizations about what is necessary to make a person feel fulfilled and then spewing this nonsense about how one should change one's behavior to achieve it... I think this Harvard Prof needs to get his head out of his ass and look around.

Whether or not one wants to have sex for the pure enjoyment of it or withhold until they are married and ready to have kids is a personal choice. At issue is what fulfills the individual. And it is up to the individual to figure it out. Not some middle-aged Harvard snob trying to return to the good-old-days before the sexual revolution.