Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Sexual Evolution
It's clear to me, these days more than ever, that people have very different opinions about sexuality, romance and love. Men and women are different, generations are different... opinions among peers differ. And double standards, as much as we hope that they aren't, are very much alive and kicking. For example - I had a conversation with my Dad a while ago on the subject of cohabitation before marriage. I think that it's a personal choice. Whether or not one wishes to live with another before they are married, I don't believe (and there are studies on both sides of this debate) that it necessarily leads to higher rates of divorce. But the argument that my Dad and I had about it didn't revolve around marriage or divorce, but on how living together "looks" to people.
Dad: Its okay for the guy. It looks bad for the girl...
Me: What? How do you figure that?
Dad: It just looks bad.
Me: Dad, it takes both people involved. How can you say that it looks bad for the girl when the guy is there too.
Dad: ...
That was the actual conversation. Seriously, the fact that the onus is always on the woman seems a little unfair to me. I laugh at theories like the one from a Harvard Professor which basically say that the reason why lasting love and marriage or even committed relationships are on the decline because "men who grow used to "free samples" in the bedroom are going to leave women high-and-dry when it comes to committed relationships." Free samples?!? What are we, tasting menus?! So again, it's up to women to restrict themselves sexually in order to hook a man who will stay. It becomes our fault yet again as to why our life's fulfillment is not being realized - husband to take care of us, 2.5 kids, dog, picket fence... What kind of bullshit is this guy spewing?
I agree with the author of the article. The presumption that is made is that all women want the same thing. That, apparently, the only route to happiness is the traditional marriage and kids route. Now, I want to be married and have children. I always have. Been wanting to have kids since I was about 22, believe it or not. Anyone who has seen me interact with kids and babies can see it. But I had things to do first. I don't assume that what I want is what everyone wants, that this is the only way any woman can find happiness. It's arrogant to think such things. I know many strong, happy women who are at the point in their lives where they are comfortable with themselves and don't need or even want a committed relationship to make them happy or feel more complete. I know women who want marriage but not kids. Making generalizations about what is necessary to make a person feel fulfilled and then spewing this nonsense about how one should change one's behavior to achieve it... I think this Harvard Prof needs to get his head out of his ass and look around.
Whether or not one wants to have sex for the pure enjoyment of it or withhold until they are married and ready to have kids is a personal choice. At issue is what fulfills the individual. And it is up to the individual to figure it out. Not some middle-aged Harvard snob trying to return to the good-old-days before the sexual revolution.
Dad: Its okay for the guy. It looks bad for the girl...
Me: What? How do you figure that?
Dad: It just looks bad.
Me: Dad, it takes both people involved. How can you say that it looks bad for the girl when the guy is there too.
Dad: ...
That was the actual conversation. Seriously, the fact that the onus is always on the woman seems a little unfair to me. I laugh at theories like the one from a Harvard Professor which basically say that the reason why lasting love and marriage or even committed relationships are on the decline because "men who grow used to "free samples" in the bedroom are going to leave women high-and-dry when it comes to committed relationships." Free samples?!? What are we, tasting menus?! So again, it's up to women to restrict themselves sexually in order to hook a man who will stay. It becomes our fault yet again as to why our life's fulfillment is not being realized - husband to take care of us, 2.5 kids, dog, picket fence... What kind of bullshit is this guy spewing?
I agree with the author of the article. The presumption that is made is that all women want the same thing. That, apparently, the only route to happiness is the traditional marriage and kids route. Now, I want to be married and have children. I always have. Been wanting to have kids since I was about 22, believe it or not. Anyone who has seen me interact with kids and babies can see it. But I had things to do first. I don't assume that what I want is what everyone wants, that this is the only way any woman can find happiness. It's arrogant to think such things. I know many strong, happy women who are at the point in their lives where they are comfortable with themselves and don't need or even want a committed relationship to make them happy or feel more complete. I know women who want marriage but not kids. Making generalizations about what is necessary to make a person feel fulfilled and then spewing this nonsense about how one should change one's behavior to achieve it... I think this Harvard Prof needs to get his head out of his ass and look around.
Whether or not one wants to have sex for the pure enjoyment of it or withhold until they are married and ready to have kids is a personal choice. At issue is what fulfills the individual. And it is up to the individual to figure it out. Not some middle-aged Harvard snob trying to return to the good-old-days before the sexual revolution.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Yeah, I'm ordering the gas cap on Monday...
Ahhh... well, BC and I (after much delay) finally picked up his motorcycle. This was last Monday (Columbus Day). We tinkered with it in his garage for the afternoon that day, trying to get it up and running - not that I was at all much help other than saying occasionally, "is this important? How about this?" Yeah, not much help. The battery was dead, obviously, as the bike hadn't been ridden in a year (and sat idle for 2 years before that, even)and there was a leak at the fuel valve. But other than that, the bike was in relatively good shape - we already knew it needed a new cap for the gas tank, as the one on it wasn't the proper one. The carburetor was actually fine... Once the battery was charged, the bike started up. The battery would not hold the charge, however, so there would be no test drive that day. Sigh.
BC informed me on the following Wednesday, after replacing the battery, he took the bike for a 30 mile ride. Other than a sluggish start - the choke needed to be on until the bike was warmed up - the ride was really smooth. YAY! Happy happy for me... so when is it my turn? Well, that came this past Saturday. I was really excited and slightly nervous, of course, as this would really only be my third time controlling a motorcycle, and I didn't want to make too much of a fool of myself... famous last words.
I was surprisingly able to pull out of the driveway without stalling out. BC was surprised to, since I just pulled away and took off down the block. Well, that's where it pretty much ended, at least for this first round. I had stopped at the STOP sign, but when I tried to get going again, I stalled out. Damn... Start up, try to go, stall out... Crap... Start up, move an inch, stall out... F*ck!... Start up, move a little, try to turn the corner, stall... AHHH!!! The bike is dropping!!! Well, I ended up on the soft grass, embarrassed, bike on the ground, fuel cascading out of the tank. BC got over there as quickly as he could and got the bike up, but there was not enough gas left in the tank to ride it around. We would have to take it back to the house, refill the tank, and try again later...
We got the bike to the house, filled it with the little gas left in the canister, went to the gas station and filled-up the bike, and BC took me out for a ride on the bike to show me how well the bike actually performs - I obviously couldn't tell from my short ride down the block. For a bike that really hasn't been ridden in about 3 years, it performed really well. Great acceleration, good breaks, shifts well, and we figured out that it's a 6 gear bike (the little OD (overdrive) light came on in 6th). Cool. Well, when we got back from our little ride, BC pulled in almost into the garage:
"Is this a hint that I'm done for the day? Or am I getting a time-out?"
"Yeah... go to the corner and think about what you did..."
Lucky for me, BC is very forgiving, and we tried it again later. My problem was that I was not coordinating the clutch release with the throttle very well from a stop. And I still have problems with it. So I stalled out at about every other STOP sign, but I would generally be able to get the bike going on the second attempt. My turns are pretty wide and I think that's just my nervousness at how much bigger this bike is from the one I learned on - 500cc versus 250cc (BC laughs at this since, to him, 500cc is really small), and I'm a little timid, for now, about leaning into the turn. As I get used to the bike, I know this will change - it did while I was learning to ride over the course of the weekend. I off-roaded a little on someone's lawn because of a wide turn... not very graceful, and I tried really hard to get off as quickly as possible. But all in all, it wasn't bad. I wasn't burning it up at all - I only got up to 3rd gear and about 25-30mph max. A little more practice is a necessity.
The gas cap hasn't yet been ordered - yesterday was pretty busy. But it shall be ordered today and will hopefully be installed before my next ride. I have the itch and I have it bad. As silly as I looked on the ground after dropping the bike, I can deal with this short term embarrassment for the potential long term benefits... I want to ride again and I want to ride longer and faster. And I will do what it takes to get there.
Update: The gas cap has been ordered and will be here next week. Oh, happy day.
BC informed me on the following Wednesday, after replacing the battery, he took the bike for a 30 mile ride. Other than a sluggish start - the choke needed to be on until the bike was warmed up - the ride was really smooth. YAY! Happy happy for me... so when is it my turn? Well, that came this past Saturday. I was really excited and slightly nervous, of course, as this would really only be my third time controlling a motorcycle, and I didn't want to make too much of a fool of myself... famous last words.
I was surprisingly able to pull out of the driveway without stalling out. BC was surprised to, since I just pulled away and took off down the block. Well, that's where it pretty much ended, at least for this first round. I had stopped at the STOP sign, but when I tried to get going again, I stalled out. Damn... Start up, try to go, stall out... Crap... Start up, move an inch, stall out... F*ck!... Start up, move a little, try to turn the corner, stall... AHHH!!! The bike is dropping!!! Well, I ended up on the soft grass, embarrassed, bike on the ground, fuel cascading out of the tank. BC got over there as quickly as he could and got the bike up, but there was not enough gas left in the tank to ride it around. We would have to take it back to the house, refill the tank, and try again later...
We got the bike to the house, filled it with the little gas left in the canister, went to the gas station and filled-up the bike, and BC took me out for a ride on the bike to show me how well the bike actually performs - I obviously couldn't tell from my short ride down the block. For a bike that really hasn't been ridden in about 3 years, it performed really well. Great acceleration, good breaks, shifts well, and we figured out that it's a 6 gear bike (the little OD (overdrive) light came on in 6th). Cool. Well, when we got back from our little ride, BC pulled in almost into the garage:
"Is this a hint that I'm done for the day? Or am I getting a time-out?"
"Yeah... go to the corner and think about what you did..."
Lucky for me, BC is very forgiving, and we tried it again later. My problem was that I was not coordinating the clutch release with the throttle very well from a stop. And I still have problems with it. So I stalled out at about every other STOP sign, but I would generally be able to get the bike going on the second attempt. My turns are pretty wide and I think that's just my nervousness at how much bigger this bike is from the one I learned on - 500cc versus 250cc (BC laughs at this since, to him, 500cc is really small), and I'm a little timid, for now, about leaning into the turn. As I get used to the bike, I know this will change - it did while I was learning to ride over the course of the weekend. I off-roaded a little on someone's lawn because of a wide turn... not very graceful, and I tried really hard to get off as quickly as possible. But all in all, it wasn't bad. I wasn't burning it up at all - I only got up to 3rd gear and about 25-30mph max. A little more practice is a necessity.
The gas cap hasn't yet been ordered - yesterday was pretty busy. But it shall be ordered today and will hopefully be installed before my next ride. I have the itch and I have it bad. As silly as I looked on the ground after dropping the bike, I can deal with this short term embarrassment for the potential long term benefits... I want to ride again and I want to ride longer and faster. And I will do what it takes to get there.
Update: The gas cap has been ordered and will be here next week. Oh, happy day.
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