Fugitive golf...

For a while now, I've been wanted to play a real round of golf. No driving or putting range, but on a real course. I got my chance this weekend - twice. I played with my dear brother (JK), sister-in-law (ALK) and sister-in-law-dad (BL) on Saturday, and it was a riot. Mostly because of how absolutely awful the latter two and I were. But there were some shining moments - BL sinking a par shot chipped out of the bunker, my making par on the most unexpected putt from the rough, lots and lots of shots onto the wrong fairway (making the day really hysterical, actually), etc. etc. etc... Great fun - I wanna do it again.

Well, speaking to BC on the phone on Sunday evening upon my return from NYC, he suggested that we go play on Monday (yesterday). Hey, two trips to the golf course in three days - sure, let's go for it. I've written previously that BC had tried to teach me a bit, tried to get my form up a bit. It obviously didn't translate on my first go at a round, so I hoped that with him there, I would get a little guidance.

Now, BC has told me time and time again that he is a bogey golfer - shoots 90 or so, lots of par, occasional birdie, lots of bogeys... and he warned me before we started that he had only played once this season, so not to expect anything really great. Bogey golfer my ass! Three over on the front 9 and par on what we finished of the back 9... yeah, bogey golfer - whatever. He was having a good round, and seemed surprised and happy about it. And I was there to learn, so the fact that he was doing well gave me confidence that BC wasn't talking out of his ass while giving me advice. I had a few good shots, made the green on a par 3 (woohoo!), had a few good chips, could not drive for shit, started okay on the front 9 and got progressively worse as the back 9 went on (I don't even want to know what I shot on that last par 5 we played). Meanwhile, BC was making monster drives, hitting greens, and made two birdies in a row on the back 9.

But by the 14th hole it was getting late. We were losing light, and were playing moonlight golf instead of twilight golf. Finish the hole, bring the cart back, go home content in a fun day. Well, as anyone can guess, nothing is ever that easy. When we rented the cart, the guy at the clubhouse said that we had to return the cart by sunset - 7:20. "Play until 7:20 and then come back," he said. We were out till, maybe, 7:35-7:40, so a little late, but not horribly. When we made our way back to the clubhouse, however, we found our path from the back 9 (which was across the road) blocked - by a locked gate. What the F*CK?! We weren't that late. Oh, well, let's try to find another exit. We drove around the back 9, thinking that maybe there was a way onto the road, or another path to the clubhouse, or whatever. No such luck. The path circled around by the end, and the only way out was this locked gate. Fine.

Unload the clubs, jump over the fence, leave the cart at the gate. Let's just get to the car and go home... er... um... we have a problem. OH F*CK! THE EXIT GATE IS LOCKED!! How the HELL are we supposed to get the car out?!?! Well, as the old saying goes - if you don't have a door, make one. The course was separated from the road by a wooden fence - each section was 4 boards nailed into 2 posts. We drove a bit away (probably not far enough, now that I think about it) from the parking area and chose our target. "Anyone coming?" "Nope, no cars." BC made a few good swings and kicks... and we had ourselves a way out. Pull the car into the road... and we try to fix the fence (only one of the boards really broke, and one was already broken). "Car coming..." Dodedodedo... back to work. Ah, screw it. We tried the best we could.

Once we got in the car and started driving away, we both started hysterical laughing. Oh, geez. Who the hell has ever heard of breaking an exiting - out of a golf course! It just seems so ridiculous! Well, I've always had a talent for getting myself into ridiculous situations... I have to be consistent, you know? I guess we're never going back there to play golf again!